Not my assignment but I wanted to post this: http://www.newsobserver.com/2010/03/03/367017/wake-ends-diversity-policy-in.html
I have yet to fully form an opinion on this, or at least one that I can articulate right now. The major problem I have is *it seems* the (new) school board is going to bend and conform to the will of the loudest majority. In this case, the majority does not seem to be the group with the most to lose by ending the diversity policy.
I don't think their is an easy solution and I'm no expert but community/neighborhood schools in Wake, for me, seems like a step toward self-imposed segregation.
Since I've finished the assignment, I guess I'll be the first to share. (smile)
Although I am extremely confident in myself and very much in touch with who I am, the nature of my “othering” experience essay is somewhat personal to me. However, to fulfill the requests of the week’s blog, I am posting it. Because my sexuality is NOT my identity, it is my hope that no one’s perception of me is compromised. I decided to reflect in this essay on open homosexuality at Morehoue College and other HBCUs.
As a Black, gay male, I often experience “othering” situations that affect me directly as well as indirectly. However, I felt most compelled to reflect on the many unpleasant memories I have as a fairly recent graduate of Morehouse because other gay men there are currently being subjected to even worse rages of discrimination due to their sexual orientation and alternative living choices. As presented in this essay, I charge the Black community, specifically, to uplift one another regardless of our biases and prejudices, and in the process I am convinced that we will be that much closer to making social justice education a more widespread reality. To emphasize the fact that open homosexuality at HBCUs is just as much of an othering experience for the oppressed as it is for the oppressor, I integrate heterosexual and homosexual frames of reference.
See my introduction and conclusion paragraphs below and feel free to comment.
INTRODUCTION In the Black community, homosexuality is arguably the most “swept under the rug” subjects that many, especially straight men, either speak of from such an accusatory, judgmental, uncompromising place or simply avoid at all costs. When I was an undergraduate student at Morehouse College, I often witnessed the utter discomfort of Black men when in the presence of myself and someone else they assumed were gay. Unfortunately, while at Morehouse, I was in a few verbal altercations that escalated into physical fights. On two particular occasions, I was even summoned to testify when random acts of violence between a few gay schoolmates made their way to campus law enforcement. Many cannot begin to imagine how openly gay men, like myself, have been treated at Morehouse College—the internationally known, all-male HBCU that prides itself on graduating more Black men each year than any other school in the country. Regrettably, the stigmatization of gays at Morehouse, which seems to be getting worse each semester, has recently received an overwhelming flood of negative media attention. I am disappointed that, even today, Blacks fail to celebrate their immense diversity amongst the rest of the world. In response to the oppression that others and I have faced due to our sexual orientation, I feel very strongly that having a large number of gay students is neither a dilemma nor disgrace but a common reality that HBCUs across this nation—even Morehouse—should embrace.
CONCLUSION Most importantly, there are so many other critical concerns in the Black community and on the campuses of HBCUs like Morehouse that deserve a more firm response than open homosexuality. A very “quiet-kept” subject is the number of “down low” or “DL” men that choose to live a closeted lifestyle that includes random, unprotected sexual activity with both genders—a choice that is devastating the Black community. These DL men are everywhere but their story remains untold. That is until a distraught and outraged married Black woman insists that she has contracted HIV from her husband who has obviously stepped outside of their supposedly committed, monogamous relationship. So while we ridicule and pass judgment on gays for being open and honest about who they are, we are conveniently hesitant to speak on more serious issues, which goes to show that we [Blacks] are, indeed, our own worst enemy.
I always seem to pick a tough act to follow. Thank you for your honesty on your post Leethaniel. I find your discussion of the integration of race and sexuality extremely interesting and challenging as well. For me as a white straight male, I am unattuned and therefore as the chart on the board said last night unaware of some of these questions and it is refreshing to be made aware of them.
My paper interestingly enough was about my experience going to a gay night club near my alma mater a few weeks ago. I went to James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA and right in downtown Harrisonburg (which if you blink you miss it) is a coffee shop/night club that is not solely or overtly a "gay" club but is known to be the hang out for the LGBT community. It is called the "Artful Dodger",named for the child thief in Dicken's classic novel Oliver Twist. The character in the book is portrayed as a young boy who acts grown up and mature and wears men's clothing. He is eventually shipped from his native London to Australia due to his life of crime. The Dodger, as we call it, is a coffee shop by day and truly is a night club at night with a DJ, alcohol, and dancing. It is owned by a homosexual man. I went with two of my straight guy friends to get a few beers.
We have a straight friend who picked up a job bartending there and thought we would pay him a visit. They do theme parties on Saturday nights and we happened to be there for the "Punk Rock Prom Night". As an uber-straight male, I felt extremely uncomfortable for the first part of the night. I really felt out of place and even felt overwhelmed by a sense of "otherness" at times, even though I had members of "my" group near by. I had a hard time relaxing and just being myself. We eventually ended up finding our way to the dance floor as everyone seemed to be having a great time. After dancing for a bit I felt more relaxed and we also met some folks around us. They were laughing at the three straight guys who couldn't dance in the middle of the crowd.
It ended up being a very enlightening experience. While I don't feel like it is a place that I would call home, I can now feel why someone else would call it home. It was not what I expected in some regards either. I did expect it to be a more "sexual" environment and maybe it took on that form because I thought that prior to entering into the place. That is probably the reason. However, it was not filled with the deviance that majority (in this case "straight") society might sometimes label a gay night club as possessing. I am glad to have had the experience and it was one that I would say made me more aware, more empathetic, and more willing to strive to connect to a group of people who are different than me.
I'm not nearly as articulate as Leethaniel... and my experience is not nearly as interesting. But here we go:
As I mentioned in class, I went to the Rialto's Friday night showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Having grown up in Raleigh, I had heard of the performance there and knew of some people who participated, but had never attended until last week. In high school, the people who regularly attended the show were usually outcasts and had very different interests than myself. Knowing this, I thought being surrounded by these individuals would be a perfect atmosphere for me to be the 'other'.
First, let me tell you that I have always been a fan of the FILM Rocky Horror Picture Show. And I will also tell you that the performance was witness to at the Rialto has forever changed my perception of that movie. The majority of the actors and patrons were well under the age of 18 and in the most scantily clad 'outfits' (do nipple stickers classify as a outfits?) I've ever seen. Aside from a few other viewers like myself, the remaining audience consisted of solo men in their 30s-50s. Mhm.
I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my entire life. The actors and other patrons called me out on being a 'virgin' to the experience by putting a large 'V' on my forehead in black lipstick. The also heckled me to get up and 'participate' (take off my clothes and run around in my underwear?!?!).
I did not take well to this treatment. I also didn't take well to the fact that these were children... children who could one day be my students. For the while I was there, all I wanted to do was shake some sense into them and force them to put on clothes. Being the minority in the room I felt absolutely powerless in the situation.
I feel like I tried to come into the situation with an open attitude, but I know that I am 100% guilty of negatively judging the people I was surrounded by at this event. I'm sorry if this just comes out as a rant against this performance. It's honestly very hard for me to distinguish between my emotions as the 'other' in the situation and my opinions on the performance as a whole.
Let's just say I felt EXTREMELY out of place and judged, and not knowing what was going on made me very uncomfortable.
I understand that some of my students will be into this behavior. As their teacher it won't be my job to judge their actions and I realize that. But I do think this experience has taught me that I should make myself as available to my kids as I can so that maybe I can help prevent them from making certain choices that could negatively affect their lives/futures.
To Josh White - Thanks for sharing. That seemed to be a very courageous move on your part. Hopefully in your paper you touch on some of the similarities and differences in scenery versus in a straight club or bar. Did any guys try to hit on you? That wouldn’t be surprising. Just like straight guys, gay men are very sexual beings and many are extremely aggressive. So obviously I assume you recognize that there’s a whole “new” world out there in the gay night life. Nice post!
So I used traveling to Ecuador as my othering experience. I have included a splattering of paragraphs from the paper here. My main goal was to feel how my spanish speaking students feel when they are in my class. I have gone ahead and removed random sentences... but everything should still make sense :)
I have found that language barriers in the classroom are one of the most frustrating experiences in schools for both teacher and student. Students who do not speak the dominant language, in this case English, or who own English as a second language, are more challenged in learning. As they learn, they have to process information differently. Thus, they often require more time to understand and grasp concepts... As an English-speaking teacher, I have only experienced this situation on the side of the teacher and never from the seat of the frustrated student. One of my colleagues suggested that I put myself in a situation that would allow me to experience feelings similar to our Spanish-speaking students. With this thought I became eager to place myself in a situation that would challenge me in a similar way as my students are challenged in class.
To accurately understand what my non-English speaking students experience, I felt I had to immerse myself in a different culture and language where I would become the “other,” the non-Spanish speaking student. I traveled to Ecuador and submerged into the Ecuadorian culture.... To accurately feel what my students experience, I had to put myself in a situation of learning. For this reason, I joined Habitat for Humanity, thus placing myself in a position to learn a completely new skill, house building. ... I looked at everything around me: how the community interacted, how my supervisor was teaching others around me, and the way in which people were communicating through language barriers. I noticed that the Ecuadorian culture was overly accepting; my feelings of non-belonging were unfounded. The maestro, the Ecuadorian man in charge of the building site, was thrilled to have me and the few other Americans on site. Though he spoke no English, he was teaching through example, reiterating the same processes without getting upset or frustrated. As he would begin to teach a new step, he would speak quickly in Spanish to those that understood, then send them on their way. Subsequently he’d turn to us and, step by step, talk us through the process by showing us what to do. The visual process became key to communicating. I finally understood that, though there was an extreme language barrier between us, we could still converse in many other ways. .... The oppressive feeling that Americans place upon foreigners that travel into the United States was not to be found within this community. I had internalized the individual level of oppression I had seen enacted on others in America, expecting the same treatment in Ecuador (Hardiman, 2007, p. 39). I had, unknowingly, internalized subordination; I believed that mistreatment of those that were unable to communicate was the norm (Hardiman, 2007, p. 44). I was shocked at this realization. The assumption that I would be treated poorly stemmed from the fact that I had been taught that mistreatment of the “other” in society was the natural order. From this experience I now question whether I unwittingly endorse internalized domination. Do I inadvertently act in ways that “express internalized notions of entitlement and privilege?” (Hardiman, 2007, p.45). At this point, I’m still searching for that answer.
Leethaniel - yes, I did get some what I would call "flirty" looks from across the room. No one actually came up to me and began to hit on me but I do have a ring on my finger so I don't know if that deterred anyone. I probably should have drawn more conclusions about the similarities and differences between "gay" night clubs and "straight" night clubs in my paper. Both have DJs, alcohol, dancing, chatting, visiting, meeting, greeting, all the major tenets of a relaxing environment. I would actually say the music at the gay club was better! It was better mix of tunes. I did indeed realize there was a new and different world that exists in night life. I also have a new found empathy to people who need their own let's call it "private public" space. A place you can call your own and others with the same "like-mindedness" can gather and recharge persay. Just a theory/idea I had. Thanks Leethaniel for your comments/questions!
Josh White – Nice. I’m glad to hear that no one was bold enough to approach you. Well, I must say that I truly feel the true measure of someone completely confident in their sexuality is one who can step outside of their “comfort zone” and view life through different eyes. You are to be commended!
I attended a Friday night prayer service, called Shabbat, at Chabad of Cary. There were three main things that resonated with me in attending the service. Coming from a very strong Christian background, it was very intimidating and nerve racking to go into a place of worship that was, what I thought as, very different from the main tenets of Christianity. However, the people at the Chabad of Cary were far more welcoming than I had originally anticipated. Another discovery I made was the similarities between Judaism and Christianity. While of course, Christianity stems from Judeo teachings, the interesting similarities were not in the content of the service itself, but in the manner of the people and the expressions on their faces during the time of worship. I also found myself thinking further outside my own worldview and discovered an interesting shift in my thoughts, due to the nature of the service itself. Thus I began to re-evaluate not only what I thought about Judaism as a whole, but about religion in general.
Lessons to be learned: I have always wondered how it would be to be Jewish and learn from a lecture, video, book, or exhibit about the genocide of millions of my ancestors. I am sure this experience would be both emotional and educational as the students are personally and culturally engaged in the subject. Bell and Griffin (2007) discuss the importance of students taking time “to reflect and make personal meaning, identify questions and contradictions, and draw new learning” from activities in class (p. 79). It is also important for teachers to make personal connections with the issues being taught so they can move along with their students from embeddedness to transformation (Bell and Griffin, 2007). This experience certainly made me aware, if not transformed, my thoughts and perceptions about ideas of religion and its function in society. While I am, of course, still on a journey to understand the importance and necessity of social justice, I am also expanding my worldview so that I can hopefully better understand my students.
Candice, you went to Chabad? The Lubavitcher Hasidim are the hard core of Judaism (alright, maybe not quite like the Satmars, but still). As a non-practicing ethnic Jew, those people make me very uncomfortable.
My experience was actually a nice way to kill two birds with one stone, as it were. My wife is something of an on-again/off-again Catholic (pretty intense about it in college, less so since then), but has been going to weekly Mass in recent months. She'd been hocking me to go with her for awhile. My upbringing was emphatically non-religious and, if anything, vaguely Jewish, but only in the most secular sense. My wife thinks she can convert me; she can't, but I figured it would be a nice thing to show some solidarity and go with her.
This wasn't a completely alien experience. I had attended Mass a few times before. It was, however, something that I was pretty resistant to, especially after having attended the funeral Mass for a close friend who died in 2002. He had been baptized on his deathbed, primarily to please a family member; I am quite certain he was not a believer. But the priest got up at his funeral and told us all how great it was that he died because now he got to be with God. That's all completely in keeping with Catholic theology and completely at odds with how my friend lived his life and what he believed. I felt like it was a grave insult to all of us who loved him in his life. Suffice to say, I came in with something of a chip on my shoulder toward the Roman Catholic church.
The experience was actually not that bad. I felt a little out of place, knowing that everybody else was there thinking things that I just can't make myself accept as true. But there were some really touching moments, like when the whole congregation stood together to pray for the ill relative of a member. The nicest thing is that we sat behind a young family (mother, father, daughter about three years old) and the little girl clearly didn't really understand what was going on, but realized that it was something big and important to her parents. She kept going back and forth between them, getting hugs and attention. It was really quite affecting.
This raises the question of whether my future kids will be brought up Catholic. To be honest, I just don't know, although I know my wife wants them to be. The fact of the matter is that I just don't think that the doctrine of the Church is true and I felt pretty awkward sitting there and (sort of) participating in something which I didn't really feel. At the same time, I appreciate the sense of community that was evident two weekends ago. At the very least, I feel somewhat less angry with the church than my previous experiences had led me to feel.
The implications for education are that this did give me a real insight into just how meaningful the sense of fellowship can be to people who worship together. Most of my engagement with religion has been very much intellectualized and on the level of doctrine. This experience opened up another window into the religious life for me. I didn't get the feeling that most people were there because they hold the doctrine of salvation through sacramental works to be true. Rather, it is a family and community experience. That, to me, is much more intelligible and it humanizes the religious experience in a way that it hadn't necessarily been before.
Hi Everyone ... I chose to copy in my first paragraph of my second assignment essay. I have to say I had an awesome experience at the event I attended and was glad that I could both complete this assignment and support a wonderful cause!
The event I choose to attend was Drag Bing hosted by the Raleigh-Durham PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter. The event was hosted this past Friday night, February 26th 2010 at the Raleigh Convention Center. The goal of this event was to raise money for the PFLAG Aids Foundation as well as raise awareness to a prevalent issue within this community. I choose this event because I wanted to take part in something that supported the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender People) community. As the sister of a gay brother I have done little to actively support my brother other than showing my verbal support for his homosexuality. I have learned over the past several months that there is a difference between voicing support and actively showing support. I have not figured out exactly how I can continue to be an active support participant for my brother but my hope is to continue to immerse myself in activities that support a community in which I know he believes in. I have joined the local PFLAG chapter and will continue to look for opportunities in the future in which I can both aid in awareness by participating and volunteering at various functions as well as continue the process of improving and expanding on my own personal awareness.
Candice - I enjoyed reading your post. I commend you for stepping outside of your comfort zone and attending a different religious service. I don't know what it is about religion but I find something slightly intimidating about going to a service that is unknown. I was raised Orthodox Christian and was married in the Orthodox Church. My husband was raised Catholic and we have been attending Catholic masses lately in an attempt of finding a Church we would feel comfortable in raising a future family in. The Catholic Church is extremely closely related to Orthodoxy so it is not too far from what I would say are my roots, but I was still a little nervous when I went to my first mass ... thinking that someone would somehow know I was not Catholic ... so nice job going to a service that was not your own.
It really is just easier to copy-paste...here's the first 2 paragraphs of my paper:
Of all the different cultures majorly represented in the United States, the one culture I understand the least about is the Middle Eastern culture. I'm not sure if this is because the culture is more reserved, or if I am less familiar because I haven't had the chance to get to know any individual of that background very well. Whatever the reason may be, I wanted to explore the culture further. At first, I was going to attend a Friday prayer service at the Islamic Association of Raleigh. Honestly, I chickened out. The more I thought about it, the more I realized there I was going to face too much other-ing in that experience than I was ready for. Culturally, I'm not Middle Eastern; religiously, I'm not Islamic; and I would be treated very differently as a woman because of their culture. I would have had an othering experience as a white person, Christian, and a woman, which was a bit much for me. Therefore, I did something a little less intimidating and went to the Almadina Supermarket, a Middle-Eastern grocery store off of Western Blvd. During this experience, I could understand their culture a little more by visiting their store, seeing the types of foods they like to eat, and communicating with store employees who primarily speak Arabic and have a very different background than my own.
Before going to the Almadina Supermarket, I looked up a few simply phrases in Arabic. Salam means hi; Ana jayed means I'm doing well; shokran means thank you; na'an means yes; la means no; and ma'a salama means good bye. Unfortunately, I used none of this. The store workers stopped speaking Arabic when communicating with me, and spoke to me using English instead. Inside the store, the employees didn't interact with me unless necessary, which was only when I was buying some pita bread at the end of the situation. It was interesting to see some different foods sold there, many of which I have no idea what they were because 3/4 of the store's items were only labeled in Arabic. In addition, some of the other items didn't have prices on them, unless they were written somewhere I wasn't used to looking or in a manner I wasn't used to seeing. The store had many more spices than most grocery stores, only unleavened bread (pita breads and such), every item was Kosher, and their cookies were made of unleavened bread. The grocery did not have any ready-made meals, which shows an expectation that most people in their culture cook by recipes and such instead of by instructions on a package. Overall, it was a nice experience and I ended up with some delicious pita bread.
I spoke a little in class about my experience visiting the A.M.E. church in Method. Here's a snippet from my paper: "Some of my favorite excerpts from the sermon were the saying “anything free… costs too much” and references to James Brown and his song “I Don't Want Nobody To Give Me Nothing (Open Up the Door, I'll Get It Myself)”. Rev. Simpson spoke about how he did not want anyone to unlock the door, to open the door, to do anything with the door for him – if he wanted to go through the door he would break down the door himself. This brought me back to our class discussion of the relationship between an ally and the targeted community. In this case the ally would be behind or beside (possibly even what my friend Josh would call beside-behind) allowing the targeted population to fight their own battles."
I enjoyed looking up the song, lyrics and listening to it on youtube while writing my paper.
Thank you, Leethaniel for being brave and sharing so much of yourself with us. I think it's exciting and a bit scary how sharing where we feel like the "other" reveals so much about ourselves and our positionalities. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me and raising my awareness of so many things.
Kate - My roommate for a couple years was originally from Saudi Arabia, & they have a LOT of good food! When I visited her family's house in Charlotte I was stuffed all weekend. Her mother spoke very little English and when offering me seconds said "You put, or I put?" which makes it very hard to politely turn down food. =p No thanks wasn't one of the options. I often catch the Varsity bus at the bus stop near the Islamic Center, but I think I would be too intimidated to attend a prayer service myself. You (or anyone else in the class) might consider going to an MSA meeting on campus however if you're really interested - MSA stands for Muslim Students Association. Thinking back, they sure fed me well at the meeting I attended as well - iftar, or the meal to break the fast after sundown during Ramadan.
Rachel - That is awesome! Maybe I'll try MSA sometime.
Michael - That's a really neat look at it. I think a lot of people do look at religious philosophically as opposed to socially or culturally. Have you tried other denominations of Christianity or other religions before?
Rachel someday I hope to find the fortitude to attend an AME church. I KNOW they NEVER fall asleep in church. When African American families show up at my church, I want to scream," LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN! THERE IS NO DANCING OR SINGING ONLY HYMNING AND SLEEPING."
For my OTHER experience I did buy tortillas at a local Mexican market in Apex. It was pleasant and delicious, but unremarkable in any way in terms of making me feel somehow excluded. To reflect on such an experience I wrote about my experience working for a Japanese company. The experience was extreme in many ways. I was the first American employee of a very large Japanese firm. I was a woman, young, and American. My desk was closest to the door. In Japanese culture no move or nuance is accidental. Everything has a purpose. Closest to the door makes you the least important person in the building. The building, all 36 floors was filled with nothing but Japanese companies. I was the only American working among thousands of people. The only person they relegated less respect to was the old woman who sold bento lunches door to door every afternoon. It was frustrating, but it was also a long time ago.
So fun to read all your experiences! Josh, I'm so glad you went to a gay bar because I wanted to read someone's reflection on this... it was my original intention to go to one with a gay friend, but due to scheduling conflicts (I was in the middle of a conference and couldn't get away in time), I had to readjust my assignment...
So I went to a prayer service at a synagogue. I have a strong Christian background, as I've stated before, and so I wanted to do something that involved people who had different ideals than myself. I came to find that this experience was WAY more challenging than I anticipated! So the prayer service was on a Wednesday night. I went to the Beth Meyer Synagogue off of Six Forks Rd. I went to the Wednesday evening Minyan because of being away during weekends. So I walk in, and there are only about 15 or 20 people at this prayer service. At first, there were 0 women sitting in there that I saw, men were wearing yamakas and jeans, and this was all before it started!
Hebrew--don't know it. Hebrew--READ BACKWARDS. Hebrew--Did I mention I don't know it?!?! Couple other baffling things, Michael help me out and tell me what this is... people randomly got up at one point and dropped coins I think into what I would say was a communion class, but I'm pretty sure that's not what it was... fill me in. I was lost.
It's amazing how in a 15-20 minute prayer service, you can develop a knot in your stomach from awkwardness. I really thought I was a strong cookie. Not so much when standing completely alone for really the first time ever. Even in a foreign country, even in a mosque, I was with comrades. Here, I really was alone, really felt isolated, and wanted to run like the wind!!! I was pretty much just given weird looks and ignored, but there were 2 people (one before who showed me where to go and one after who asked if I was new) who actually seemed welcoming. Pretty sure my looks were a little giveaway that I wasn't Jewish. They were all probably pretty suspicious of my intentions for being there as well since I couldn't really participate at all. I had no idea if I was doing anything "illegal" or at first if women were even supposed to be there! AWKWARD.
As bad as it was on the surface, though, I learned SO much from this experience and have so much empathy for my ESL students now and for kids that don't get math language. I know now what it feels like to not only be lost in translation, but to be ALONE, lost in translation. May my kids always feel welcome in my classroom!!!
Morgan: I wish I knew, but the ins and outs of Jewish worship are beyond me. And it totally depends what sort of a bunch they were. The Reform and the Orthodox are as different from each other as Pentecostal Christians are from, say, Egyptian Coptic Christians (I actually attended a Coptic wedding last year and it was awesome - the bride and groom were given crowns to wear during the ceremony!), so God only knows what they were up to with the coins.
I am loving this blog. Some of the comments are so meaningful... and others are simply hilarious! The line of the semester: "Oh my goodness I sound like my father." Such an intelligent and creative group.
My “othering” experience was and continues to be backwards from what one would expect. I am at home in other communities, be they a different faith, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. But, throw me into a crowd with the Cleavers from next door and my nerves become jelly. I don’t want to get into specifics, but needless to say I am constantly bombarded with situations that I personally struggle with. I believe that I seek out communities that are less judgmental and more honest than what I experience as the often biting and competitive mainstream. I am most at home sitting behind a computer screen chatting through the internet to a stranger with common interests. I think isolating myself has been cowardly and done more damage than just manning up and learning how to socialize: competition, mistakes and all. I just need to take the plunge and like a cold shower; I will eventually become acclimated to it.
Wow, this has been an enlightening read. My parents are visiting from New England this weekend and one thing that keeps coming up is the heterogeneity down here that just doesn't exist in the same way in New England. There is something of a paradox that has been difficult for me to work through. Reading this blog is just pointing out even more communities that (co)exist that I hadn't really thought about except in abstract ways.
For my othering experience, I went back to a Latin market I had been to earlier in the year and had been totally embarrassed by my behavior. The store was packed and my fiance (who speaks Spanish fairly comfortably) and I were the only non-Hispanic folks there. The kids in the bakery section of the store stared at us -- not in a bad way, but they were certainly interested in us. I wanted to talk to them (yes, I am that woman in the store that talks to small children) but had no idea whether I should speak English or Spanish -- but then, I don't speak Spanish AT ALL so that's not really an option. Okay, this is super embarrassing, but I realized at one point that I was hiding behind Henry, lest anyone speak to me.
So, I was pleased to have the opportunity to redeem myself and go back to La Superior, by myself, and force myself to relax. There were a couple of things that surprised me when I went back. Most importantly, what made me an other wasn't limited to my not speaking the language, it was everything about me; language, skin color, culture. I wouldn't have felt un-otherized if everything was in English because there were lots of items in the store I was unfamiliar with. Even the things I recognized I did not necessarily know how to cook. (What do you do with tripe? Is there a difference between the three kinds? Beef cheeks? Bueller?) This isn't to say that it was completely unfamiliar, but it was certainly interesting to see what was familiar and what was not and my reactions to seeing things I knew well. I'd certainly do this again.
Katherine - let me know if you'd like to go w/ me to the AME church sometime. It was definitely different but I found myself wanting to attend maybe once in a while and would love to go back. I also found myself wondering what in the world my family especially my dad would think if I decided to become a member there instead of the Lutheran church I attend now.
Erin--Proud of you for going back to an embarassing place. Reminds me of when I threw up in a Chilli's as a kid, and wouldn't let my parents take us there again for over a year because I was embarassed. How silly...my love for Chilli's should have conquered, just as your love for Latin flavor should have conquered, but isn't that just human nature to worry over the petty crap?
Rachel--super interesting article. I had to read a book for my methods class called "The First Day of School." If any of you don't read it in your methods block, then you really really need to... at first you'll be like, well duh, but it has a lot of good tips on classroom management and how to teach, no matter what your content or age level!
Michael-The synagogue I went to is affiliated with the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, which makes a whole lot of sense based on the service... men wore yamakas and lots and lots of Hebrew was read! Here's the website for anyone who's interested to read the history... apparently the church as been around in Raleigh since the 1800s. http://bethmeyer.raleigh.nc.us/index.php?section=1 Also, I think it's really interesting that you went to a Catholic service because I was telling someone that the Jewish service reminded me of a Catholic one in many ways, but I know (and definitely from reading your post) that they are really different. Since there are so many sects of Judaism, it really got me thinking about Jesus being a Jew and what Judaism looked like in his day with Pharisees and Saduccees... would it have looked a lot like what I saw or not so much? What are you most familiar with and what's it like?
Michael, I did go to Chabad... I really did not feel that intimidated or judged by the people...while i did feel uncomfortable because it was outside of my religion, maybe it was because I am not an ethnic Jew so was not to have expected to know/practice certain things within the orthodox Judaism? I am not really sure...why is it you think you are uncomfortable?
Rachel thank you so much for your comment. I commend you as well and definitely understand where you are coming from and thinking of different religious ceremonies as intimidating...i mean religion is a pretty core thing for people, including me.
Morgan, I feel you on the who Hebrew is read backwards stuff and that it was really weird to sort of experience that alone, however, when I went, I did not feel as if I was necessarily alone. Maybe it is because of our difference in upbringing? positionality perhaps?
For this assignment I chose to head over to Triangle Indian Market off of Chatham street in Cary. It is in a strip mall of sorts that contains a variety of international restaurants and shops. I chose the location partially out of curiousity following a conversation with my boss, and partially to find out what it is like to be "the other" based on the color of my skin.
I found the building up to me going into the store to be more uncomfortable than my experience actually being inside the market. When I was circling the parking lot trying to find the store I began to ask myself questions as to how this was all going to play out. I had heard that the people who shop here are mostly Indian, so I was worried about how they would react to a white guy jotting things down on a notepad, who might not even buy anything.
Of course I was a little uncomfortable being the only white guy in the shop, but I never really felt like anyone was judging me or suspicious of me. It wasn't as "othering" as I had imagined. My experience was also made easier by the fact that most of the products in the store are labeled in both Indian and English. The owners here are smart business people who are clearly trying to appeal to other customers who aren't Indian. Given their reactions to my presence (almost no reaction) I am certain that they get many white customers.
I was made more uncomfortable by the extremely narrow aisles of the store. Some people had grocery carts, and when they would walk by you had to suck your gut in for them to fit! I wound up buying some spices and a huge bag of tea while I was there, and I plan to go back. Many items are less expensive than what you find at say, Harris Teeter.
Morgan - Conservative Judaism is kind of middle-of-the road (they and the Modern Orthodox). I think most of my friends growing up were Reform, which is pretty laid back. I personally was raised as a Sleepinitarian. We didn't go to any kind of services, but watched Saved By The Bell on Saturday mornings.
The Lubavitch Hasidim are about the only Jewish sect I know who go out and proselytize. They to try to convert more secular Jews to a rather extreme version of worship. I am very uncomfortable with beeing proselytized (see also, the Jews for Jesus who would hock folks on my college campus and the West African fellow who used to harangue me and the rest of my subway car every Sunday on my way to work).
For my "other" experience, I attended a yoga/pilates class in which I was the only male. The class was led by a female, and was comprised of about 15 people all together. I chose this experience because I wanted to know what it felt like to be the only member of my gender in an environment led and dominated by the opposite gender. In special education classrooms, particularly autism classes, the makeup is predominantly male. I thought that this experience would help me begin to gain some sort of perspective of what the only girl in an AU class filled with boys was going through. And it did help. I noticed that I acted differently in the classroom filled with women. I didn’t talk at all, left right after class, and kept my head down most of the time. I started to think how this situation would negatively affect my success in the class, and how the lone girl in a special ed class would face similar challenges. It is very hard to excel in an environment in which you are uncomfortable. Not only did I have to worry about all these crazy stretches we were doing, I also had to worry about what the people around me were thinking. Do they think I’m here to hit on girls in tight clothes? Do they look down on me because I can’t come anywhere near reaching my toes on most stretches? Am I ruining the environment for these women simply by being here? I wrote in my paper that I had wished the instructor, the person of great influence in the class, had done something as simple as saying “hello” or “welcome to the class”. It would have made a huge difference in my comfort and self esteem levels, just knowing that someone was happy I was there. It also would have calmed my worries that I was intruding. Moving on from this experience, I know to make a special effort towards the only girl in future teaching and coaching situations. Also, I think it would be hugely beneficial if there was another female (teacher’s assistant maybe) in the mostly boys, one girl classroom situation. I know it would have made a positive difference for me in the yoga class if just one other male was there.
I just got in from church this afternoon and wanted to check the blog again to see what was new. It sounds like some of you all had some interesting foods (i.e., beef cheeks)! (smile)
Kate Oliver – Were you surprised by the Arabic employee’s English at the Almadina Supermarket?
John Jackson – Funny comment about the skinny aisles at the Triangle Indian Market!
I've really enjoyed reading about everyone's experiences. We have some brave people in this class! After reading some of your posts I've had to ask myself 'Could I have done that?' I know there are certain situations that are more difficult for different people, but I am very impressed by the willingness to step out of comfort zones.
For my experience I went to a Native American blessing ceremony. The event was held at NC Central University's School of Law by the Native American Law Student Assoc. (NALSA). When I first arrived I felt extremely uncomfortable and out of place, but once several people began talking to me I relaxed and it turned out to be an awesome experience. They were so excited to have me there, and it was really moving to be able to witness a glimpse into their culture. I'll share some of the concluding thoughts from my paper:
I also wanted to examine my initial reaction of feeling like a poser. I think those feelings were tied to my guilt as a white woman. It all goes back to white privilege. I can easily say that I, personally, was not responsible for the Native Americans plight, but what does that even mean? As I listened to the council member’s speech I couldn’t help but think about how his race alone has created obstacles for him that I haven’t even had to think about as a white person. Maybe guilt is not the appropriate emotion, but I definitely felt it as I listened to the Native American struggle. However, as I left the ceremony I was reminded of the people there and how excited they were by my presence and interest in learning more about their culture. It made me realize that they didn’t want my guilt, that my guilt is useless to them. Just my acknowledgement of them as a people and what they have been through, along with my desire to learn more was all they wanted from me. Something so very simple, and yet so hard to find among many. It made me wonder why I didn’t do this sooner. Why did I wait for a school assignment to force me to take initiative? And how could I blame the rest of my race for not taking an interest when I didn’t until my grade depended on it?
I went to a gay bar on a slow Wednesday night. Leading up to it, I was very nervous about it. I had all these insights and realizations that I was looking forward to writing about. I should have taken notes or started writing sooner because once I went to the bar and got home to write up the experience, I didn't have much to share.
The main insight I got revolved around my introversion. I call myself an introvert, but I don't know if that's the right word. It's not that I'm naturally inclined to enjoy alone time. I love social situations and large groups, but I often feel so nervous, so awkward, and so uncomfortable leading up to and during the initial phases of those situations that it's easier to avoid them altogether.
Anyway, I was on the smoking patio at the bar, and this guy started chatting with me. He wasn't overly warm, but he was obviously kind. I noted later that he made up for my nerves by interjecting affirming comments into the conversation and asking questions to move the dialogue along naturally. I can do this, too! I have a great capacity for empathy (sometimes to the point that I don't even realize it). I can be the most awesome, affirming conversationalist ever!!!
But when I'm nervous or uncomfortable or in a mood (these three can account for half my day), it's like I totally forget to acknowledge and welcome other people. I get caught up inside myself and what I'm thinking and feeling. I believe the social and emotional aspects of the educational setting are critical to learning. Students need to feel acknowledged, engaged, embraced, and welcomed. I guess I'm realizing that that doesn't always come naturally to me, and I'm going to have to consciously interact with students with those social and emotional goals in mind.
Leethaniel - Yes, I was really impressed by the Arabic woman's English! She was pretty awesome and spoke very fluently and was very easy to understand.
Jack - I think you're pretty awesome to go to a yoga class. I've done yoga a bunch, and seriously the only guys that ever come are the ones whose girlfriends make them come. The guys always do feel a bit out of place. You guys are generally way less flexible, but also much better with balance. It's interesting how whenever a girl is leading yoga, she tends to do lots of stretches and flexible things, and when a guy leads yoga he tends to do more muscle-building things and balance things. Anyways, if you ever want to go again to yoga, maybe I can help you feel less uncomfortable or bring my fiance along...
The “othering” experience I chose was to go to a Mexican supermarket that is about a mile away from my apartment, called International Foods, Su Tienda Hispana. I know some Spanish, as I was a Spanish minor in college, and went to Spain my junior year. Since it’s been a few years since I have had the opportunity to speak it, I feel like I have lost some of my ability and fluidity of thought in Spanish. I chose this store to go to because I wanted to use Spanish again, and because I was interested in how I would be accepted in a place so close to my home.
The produce section! I have never seen some of those fruits and vegetables before! Spain never had fuzzy looking fruit like that. There were so many different chili peppers and hot peppers too. I got some bananas while I was there, since we were out, and they looked riper than the ones you would get at like Wal-Mart, which I like. I walked down all the food aisles, and it was kind of surprising the first aisle I walked down. I just kind of stood there for a second stunned, because there was so much food on the aisles! In “white” grocery stores, aisles have space on them; what I mean is there is space above and below items on the shelves, not very efficient if you think about it. That’s not the case in this grocery store. Every inch of space on each shelf was used. It was so efficient. And neat! Everything was neat and clean and symmetric. It was kind of stunning when I first saw it.
There was a really good variety of things too. Stuff I have never heard of or seen, but that looked good, like Peruvian olives, and tons of spices. Some of it was a little strange to me, like whole dried shrimp as a spice. I bought two “medio litros” of coke in glass bottles, which I have never seen, but I love coke in glass bottles so I was excited. The last thing I got there was a Guatemalan beer I had never heard of to split with my roommate, but I am proud to say I had heard of all the other Mexican beers, as I love Mexican food.
I can see now that it would be uncomfortable for someone who is Hispanic to walk into a very "white" grocery store. I would be nervous too, and I was having to go out of my element. I can also see that the store means more to them than just a place to buy groceries. It is a place to see other people who are like you, to buy the things you like and need where you know you will be accepted and where you know how to act. It is a place where people speak your language, which I know now, is very important for many cultures. I know white people take it for granted that almost everywhere in the U.S. is a place where we know we will be accepted and where we know we can find people who speak our language and use the same things we do.
Overall, I had a good time at the supermarket. I left the store with a smile on my face because everyone had been nice and I realized I had had nothing to be nervous about. I found some really cool things at the store, some of which I will be going back for. I am also going to bring my roommate to a TaquerÃa down the strip from the supermarket that had a lot of people in front of it, to give it a try. I just really liked this assignment. I don’t know how this assignment would have gone if I had chosen a place that was more of a social place for Hispanics, rather than a commercial place, though. I might have to try that someday.
For this assignment, I attended a small Indian festival. It was located on a street in Downtown Charlotte. I was very hesitant at first just because i was nervous to feel like an "other." Everyone was dressed in their traditional Indian dress, and were speaking in the Hindi language. I was very surprised to find that everyone was so welcoming. No one made me feel uncomfortable at all. I realize that my own biases and my own thoughts were the only thing that made me hesitant at first. This festival opened me to a culture which I had previously not spent that much time learning about. I really enjoyed experiencing the traditions and learning about this culture. The food , dance, dress, and attitudes of the people made this a great learning experience for me. I loved how passionate the people were about their culture and their traditions. This "other" experience is really going to help me in my teaching and only leads me to further learning. I am excited to really learn more in depth about other cultures so i can connect with my students. Overall, I really enjoyed everything about this experience and Im very glad we were challenged to step out of our comfort zone.
Rachel... Would love to go to the AME church with you next time. I also think that although you might perplex your father, I know his Lutheran theology strives for one holy, catholi,and apostolic church. So I think he would... get over it : ).
I agree that Jack showed some major stones doing yoga. Not only was he doing the other thing, but he was doing it in a super public way, one that potentially exposed him to ridicule for being incompetent at the poses. I was able to just sort of blend in. The otherness was all in my head.
Spanish is a beautiful and passionate language that effectively reflects the culture of the peoples who speak its many dialects. For this reason, I chose to master the language and explore the culture - to a point. Hispanic men have always made me uncomfortable because of the way the men I have encountered expressed their appreciation of a beautiful woman. In estadounidense culture (English doesn't have a word for "people from the United States" that doesn't exclude the majority of residents of the American continents), it is disrespectful to stare or hiss at a woman. I find it intimidating and physically threatening and usually responded negatively with Spanish vocabulary that doesn't support building a positive relationship with the person. Being conscious of social justice and the importance of accepting people from all cultural backgrounds, not just the ones in line with my way of thinking, I sought to inform myself and immerse myself as much as I felt comfortable in Hispanic culture. I went to Hispanic clubs on campus and studied abroad in Spain. My experience with the Spanish men I met in Spain was so negative I changed my major. More than one friend was sexually assaulted and I hadn't had the opportunity to balance those experiences with meeting positive people because our program rolled 60 deep. I still loved speaking the language so I kept it as a minor and put the experience aside.
[Last year I visited a friend in Mexico and had a blast. I met lots of different people who completely changed my response to being "appreciated." Besides, many of the comments are quite entertaining. I'll share some of them with you if you'd like]
This week I decided to test this old bias and attend a salsa-dancing class in Raleigh. I should mention at this point that I generally have the coordination of a giraffe on roller-skates. I have rhythm but it gets lots somewhere between my hips and my feet. This made for a very entertaining lesson. I ended up running into someone who lived in my dorm at UNC Asheville freshman year. I danced with him during the lesson and again afterwards. My last dance was with a Mexican man who (bless him) was very patient and a very good salsa tutor. I spoke to him exclusively in Spanish then the atmosphere changed into more of a club scene and I left.
I was really rather surprised by exactly what made me uncomfortable about this experience. I am usually social and converse easily with people I don’t know. I am the ambassador for many of the international students at UNC and have organized several events, mostly at my house, so I am comfortable with and enjoy meeting many different people. In this situation, I was really nervous and self-conscious. I hardly spoke, but did dance when asked. When Jorge said, "No te pongas nerviosa," I blamed my nervousness on dancing poorly but I realized I was missing the safety of Chapel Hill. In Chapel Hill, as a guide to my friends and one of the older people out, I am in a dominant position. I can approach and talk to whom I please because I am familiar with so many people who live here. Because the bar-scene is restricted to one very long street, you get to know many of the regulars and the bartenders. We become like family. In this experience, being in a strange city that I have never been out in before, dancing, and being a minority in a culture that is male-centered, it is no doubt I felt uncomfortable. I had always had a passion for fighting the effects of poverty and racism. However, my reaction to this situation clearly demonstrates an acute awareness of a gender role. I did not ask anyone to dance but accepted offers from two people. I didn't speak to anyone without being spoken to or approached first. And even though Jorge was a lovely, patient salsa partner, I didn't speak to him outside of laughing when he directed me to a new move and messing up.
To further address the Spanish bias I apparently still hold, I'm trying to study abroad in Guatemala this summer. Guatemala has a long history of classism and sexism. I'm super excited about working in a school there. I also plan to do the Peace Corps in Latin America when I graduate. Really, the only thing you can do it meet people. And talk and talk and talk. We're really not all that different inside.
JACK- I loved the post. I LOOVE my yoga class at the Chapel Hill - Carrboro YMCA. It's led by a guy who is gi-normous and can bend like a pretzel. As a girl, I am a minority in the class. It's filled with men of all ages. Don't feel bad about the flexibility thing. We were doing some crazy stretch and the instructor tried to help me do it right and I ended up almost falling over. I definitely don't bend those ways! Yoga is soo good for you, or anyone who does athletics for that matter. I hope you try again!
John and Bridget both bring up good points that I had a hard time expressing in my paper; my anxiety about the experience was in many ways the most othering part of the experience. This anxiety, for me, stemmed from so many places. Jack summarized many of my anxiety producing questions at the end of his post, but most revolved around judgment. Would I be judged for intruding? Would I reinforce negative stereotypes they might have of "people like me"? Would I be unwelcome?
I wonder how much of this comes from being in a position of privilege and rarely having to be an other, or from typically experiencing othering in specific contexts. There are so many elements of power in all of these situations. Jack brought up his wish that the teacher had used her power to include him. I have struggled with this all semester. Sometimes things happen in class and I think "If this happened in my classroom I would..." and I am equally empowered (because I know what I would do in that context, with power) and disenfranchised because when I am in a context with significantly less power, like being a student in this class, I don't know how to respond or react appropriately. One of the things I am taking away from this experience and from reading y'all's comments, is the knowledge that simple things -- smiling at people, greeting and talking to people, (as trite as it sounds) trying things, and staying positive (without ignoring negative aspects) -- is what is going to move me forward. Trying to remember this, I hope, is going to help me avoid the anxiety pitfall I feel like Ally described so well -- not trying something uncomfortable until it becomes necessary.
Well, I decided to visit a religious center, since I'm not at all religious and often feel out of place in religious places. Furthemore, religion has played a destructive role in my family in the past, so while I respect people's beliefs, it's just not part of my own life. I decided to go one better and visit a Hindu Temple, since I'd never been to one before, and figured I stood a good chance of being an "other" there as well.
As I described in my paper, it was somewhat anticlimactic in the end, because the esperience left me ulytimately feeling exactly as I'd felt in Jewish or Christian places of worship - in a state of respectful awe at the system of beliefs, but feeling like a perrenial outsider. I had a long conversation with a Hindu priest, who very generously took me around the temple, and we discussed Hinduism, religion in general, philosophy, Indian culture, caste and various other subjects. It was a wonderful conversation, and I really enjoyed learning more about Hinduism. Beyond that, as I said before, it was ultimately what I expected - a visit to a place where I could be a welcome guest, but not part of the family. I was definitely an "other," and I'm fine with being in that position. And that position of "other" is one that school children will undoubtedly experience in one way or the other, so I can certainly see the value in this "othering" exercise for prospective teachers.
Not my assignment but I wanted to post this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.newsobserver.com/2010/03/03/367017/wake-ends-diversity-policy-in.html
I have yet to fully form an opinion on this, or at least one that I can articulate right now. The major problem I have is *it seems* the (new) school board is going to bend and conform to the will of the loudest majority. In this case, the majority does not seem to be the group with the most to lose by ending the diversity policy.
I don't think their is an easy solution and I'm no expert but community/neighborhood schools in Wake, for me, seems like a step toward self-imposed segregation.
Leethaniel Brumfeild said...
ReplyDeleteHey guys,
Since I've finished the assignment, I guess I'll be the first to share. (smile)
Although I am extremely confident in myself and very much in touch with who I am, the nature of my “othering” experience essay is somewhat personal to me. However, to fulfill the requests of the week’s blog, I am posting it. Because my sexuality is NOT my identity, it is my hope that no one’s perception of me is compromised. I decided to reflect in this essay on open homosexuality at Morehoue College and other HBCUs.
As a Black, gay male, I often experience “othering” situations that affect me directly as well as indirectly. However, I felt most compelled to reflect on the many unpleasant memories I have as a fairly recent graduate of Morehouse because other gay men there are currently being subjected to even worse rages of discrimination due to their sexual orientation and alternative living choices. As presented in this essay, I charge the Black community, specifically, to uplift one another regardless of our biases and prejudices, and in the process I am convinced that we will be that much closer to making social justice education a more widespread reality. To emphasize the fact that open homosexuality at HBCUs is just as much of an othering experience for the oppressed as it is for the oppressor, I integrate heterosexual and homosexual frames of reference.
See my introduction and conclusion paragraphs below and feel free to comment.
INTRODUCTION
In the Black community, homosexuality is arguably the most “swept under the rug” subjects that many, especially straight men, either speak of from such an accusatory, judgmental, uncompromising place or simply avoid at all costs. When I was an undergraduate student at Morehouse College, I often witnessed the utter discomfort of Black men when in the presence of myself and someone else they assumed were gay. Unfortunately, while at Morehouse, I was in a few verbal altercations that escalated into physical fights. On two particular occasions, I was even summoned to testify when random acts of violence between a few gay schoolmates made their way to campus law enforcement. Many cannot begin to imagine how openly gay men, like myself, have been treated at Morehouse College—the internationally known, all-male HBCU that prides itself on graduating more Black men each year than any other school in the country. Regrettably, the stigmatization of gays at Morehouse, which seems to be getting worse each semester, has recently received an overwhelming flood of negative media attention. I am disappointed that, even today, Blacks fail to celebrate their immense diversity amongst the rest of the world. In response to the oppression that others and I have faced due to our sexual orientation, I feel very strongly that having a large number of gay students is neither a dilemma nor disgrace but a common reality that HBCUs across this nation—even Morehouse—should embrace.
CONCLUSION
Most importantly, there are so many other critical concerns in the Black community and on the campuses of HBCUs like Morehouse that deserve a more firm response than open homosexuality. A very “quiet-kept” subject is the number of “down low” or “DL” men that choose to live a closeted lifestyle that includes random, unprotected sexual activity with both genders—a choice that is devastating the Black community. These DL men are everywhere but their story remains untold. That is until a distraught and outraged married Black woman insists that she has contracted HIV from her husband who has obviously stepped outside of their supposedly committed, monogamous relationship. So while we ridicule and pass judgment on gays for being open and honest about who they are, we are conveniently hesitant to speak on more serious issues, which goes to show that we [Blacks] are, indeed, our own worst enemy.
I always seem to pick a tough act to follow. Thank you for your honesty on your post Leethaniel. I find your discussion of the integration of race and sexuality extremely interesting and challenging as well. For me as a white straight male, I am unattuned and therefore as the chart on the board said last night unaware of some of these questions and it is refreshing to be made aware of them.
ReplyDeleteMy paper interestingly enough was about my experience going to a gay night club near my alma mater a few weeks ago. I went to James Madison University in Harrisonburg, VA and right in downtown Harrisonburg (which if you blink you miss it) is a coffee shop/night club that is not solely or overtly a "gay" club but is known to be the hang out for the LGBT community. It is called the "Artful Dodger",named for the child thief in Dicken's classic novel Oliver Twist. The character in the book is portrayed as a young boy who acts grown up and mature and wears men's clothing. He is eventually shipped from his native London to Australia due to his life of crime. The Dodger, as we call it, is a coffee shop by day and truly is a night club at night with a DJ, alcohol, and dancing. It is owned by a homosexual man. I went with two of my straight guy friends to get a few beers.
We have a straight friend who picked up a job bartending there and thought we would pay him a visit. They do theme parties on Saturday nights and we happened to be there for the "Punk Rock Prom Night". As an uber-straight male, I felt extremely uncomfortable for the first part of the night. I really felt out of place and even felt overwhelmed by a sense of "otherness" at times, even though I had members of "my" group near by. I had a hard time relaxing and just being myself. We eventually ended up finding our way to the dance floor as everyone seemed to be having a great time. After dancing for a bit I felt more relaxed and we also met some folks around us. They were laughing at the three straight guys who couldn't dance in the middle of the crowd.
It ended up being a very enlightening experience. While I don't feel like it is a place that I would call home, I can now feel why someone else would call it home. It was not what I expected in some regards either. I did expect it to be a more "sexual" environment and maybe it took on that form because I thought that prior to entering into the place. That is probably the reason. However, it was not filled with the deviance that majority (in this case "straight") society might sometimes label a gay night club as possessing. I am glad to have had the experience and it was one that I would say made me more aware, more empathetic, and more willing to strive to connect to a group of people who are different than me.
I'm not nearly as articulate as Leethaniel...
ReplyDeleteand my experience is not nearly as interesting.
But here we go:
As I mentioned in class, I went to the Rialto's Friday night showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Having grown up in Raleigh, I had heard of the performance there and knew of some people who participated, but had never attended until last week. In high school, the people who regularly attended the show were usually outcasts and had very different interests than myself. Knowing this, I thought being surrounded by these individuals would be a perfect atmosphere for me to be the 'other'.
First, let me tell you that I have always been a fan of the FILM Rocky Horror Picture Show. And I will also tell you that the performance was witness to at the Rialto has forever changed my perception of that movie. The majority of the actors and patrons were well under the age of 18 and in the most scantily clad 'outfits' (do nipple stickers classify as a outfits?) I've ever seen. Aside from a few other viewers like myself, the remaining audience consisted of solo men in their 30s-50s. Mhm.
I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my entire life. The actors and other patrons called me out on being a 'virgin' to the experience by putting a large 'V' on my forehead in black lipstick. The also heckled me to get up and 'participate' (take off my clothes and run around in my underwear?!?!).
I did not take well to this treatment. I also didn't take well to the fact that these were children... children who could one day be my students. For the while I was there, all I wanted to do was shake some sense into them and force them to put on clothes. Being the minority in the room I felt absolutely powerless in the situation.
I feel like I tried to come into the situation with an open attitude, but I know that I am 100% guilty of negatively judging the people I was surrounded by at this event. I'm sorry if this just comes out as a rant against this performance. It's honestly very hard for me to distinguish between my emotions as the 'other' in the situation and my opinions on the performance as a whole.
Let's just say I felt EXTREMELY out of place and judged, and not knowing what was going on made me very uncomfortable.
I understand that some of my students will be into this behavior. As their teacher it won't be my job to judge their actions and I realize that. But I do think this experience has taught me that I should make myself as available to my kids as I can so that maybe I can help prevent them from making certain choices that could negatively affect their lives/futures.
Oh my goodness I sound like my father.
Leethaniel Brumfield said....
ReplyDeleteTo Josh White - Thanks for sharing. That seemed to be a very courageous move on your part. Hopefully in your paper you touch on some of the similarities and differences in scenery versus in a straight club or bar. Did any guys try to hit on you? That wouldn’t be surprising. Just like straight guys, gay men are very sexual beings and many are extremely aggressive. So obviously I assume you recognize that there’s a whole “new” world out there in the gay night life. Nice post!
So I used traveling to Ecuador as my othering experience. I have included a splattering of paragraphs from the paper here. My main goal was to feel how my spanish speaking students feel when they are in my class. I have gone ahead and removed random sentences... but everything should still make sense :)
ReplyDeleteI have found that language barriers in the classroom are one of the most frustrating experiences in schools for both teacher and student. Students who do not speak the dominant language, in this case English, or who own English as a second language, are more challenged in learning. As they learn, they have to process information differently. Thus, they often require more time to understand and grasp concepts... As an English-speaking teacher, I have only experienced this situation on the side of the teacher and never from the seat of the frustrated student. One of my colleagues suggested that I put myself in a situation that would allow me to experience feelings similar to our Spanish-speaking students. With this thought I became eager to place myself in a situation that would challenge me in a similar way as my students are challenged in class.
To accurately understand what my non-English speaking students experience, I felt I had to immerse myself in a different culture and language where I would become the “other,” the non-Spanish speaking student. I traveled to Ecuador and submerged into the Ecuadorian culture.... To accurately feel what my students experience, I had to put myself in a situation of learning. For this reason, I joined Habitat for Humanity, thus placing myself in a position to learn a completely new skill, house building.
...
I looked at everything around me: how the community interacted, how my supervisor was teaching others around me, and the way in which people were communicating through language barriers. I noticed that the Ecuadorian culture was overly accepting; my feelings of non-belonging were unfounded. The maestro, the Ecuadorian man in charge of the building site, was thrilled to have me and the few other Americans on site. Though he spoke no English, he was teaching through example, reiterating the same processes without getting upset or frustrated. As he would begin to teach a new step, he would speak quickly in Spanish to those that understood, then send them on their way. Subsequently he’d turn to us and, step by step, talk us through the process by showing us what to do. The visual process became key to communicating. I finally understood that, though there was an extreme language barrier between us, we could still converse in many other ways.
....
The oppressive feeling that Americans place upon foreigners that travel into the United States was not to be found within this community. I had internalized the individual level of oppression I had seen enacted on others in America, expecting the same treatment in Ecuador (Hardiman, 2007, p. 39). I had, unknowingly, internalized subordination; I believed that mistreatment of those that were unable to communicate was the norm (Hardiman, 2007, p. 44). I was shocked at this realization. The assumption that I would be treated poorly stemmed from the fact that I had been taught that mistreatment of the “other” in society was the natural order. From this experience I now question whether I unwittingly endorse internalized domination. Do I inadvertently act in ways that “express internalized notions of entitlement and privilege?” (Hardiman, 2007, p.45). At this point, I’m still searching for that answer.
I think that's enough to get the idea.
Leethaniel - yes, I did get some what I would call "flirty" looks from across the room. No one actually came up to me and began to hit on me but I do have a ring on my finger so I don't know if that deterred anyone. I probably should have drawn more conclusions about the similarities and differences between "gay" night clubs and "straight" night clubs in my paper. Both have DJs, alcohol, dancing, chatting, visiting, meeting, greeting, all the major tenets of a relaxing environment. I would actually say the music at the gay club was better! It was better mix of tunes. I did indeed realize there was a new and different world that exists in night life. I also have a new found empathy to people who need their own let's call it "private public" space. A place you can call your own and others with the same "like-mindedness" can gather and recharge persay. Just a theory/idea I had. Thanks Leethaniel for your comments/questions!
ReplyDeleteLeethaniel Brumfield said...
ReplyDeleteJosh White – Nice. I’m glad to hear that no one was bold enough to approach you. Well, I must say that I truly feel the true measure of someone completely confident in their sexuality is one who can step outside of their “comfort zone” and view life through different eyes. You are to be commended!
I attended a Friday night prayer service, called Shabbat, at Chabad of Cary. There were three main things that resonated with me in attending the service. Coming from a very strong Christian background, it was very intimidating and nerve racking to go into a place of worship that was, what I thought as, very different from the main tenets of Christianity. However, the people at the Chabad of Cary were far more welcoming than I had originally anticipated. Another discovery I made was the similarities between Judaism and Christianity. While of course, Christianity stems from Judeo teachings, the interesting similarities were not in the content of the service itself, but in the manner of the people and the expressions on their faces during the time of worship. I also found myself thinking further outside my own worldview and discovered an interesting shift in my thoughts, due to the nature of the service itself. Thus I began to re-evaluate not only what I thought about Judaism as a whole, but about religion in general.
ReplyDeleteLessons to be learned:
I have always wondered how it would be to be Jewish and learn from a lecture, video, book, or exhibit about the genocide of millions of my ancestors. I am sure this experience would be both emotional and educational as the students are personally and culturally engaged in the subject. Bell and Griffin (2007) discuss the importance of students taking time “to reflect and make personal meaning, identify questions and contradictions, and draw new learning” from activities in class (p. 79). It is also important for teachers to make personal connections with the issues being taught so they can move along with their students from embeddedness to transformation (Bell and Griffin, 2007). This experience certainly made me aware, if not transformed, my thoughts and perceptions about ideas of religion and its function in society. While I am, of course, still on a journey to understand the importance and necessity of social justice, I am also expanding my worldview so that I can hopefully better understand my students.
Candice, you went to Chabad? The Lubavitcher Hasidim are the hard core of Judaism (alright, maybe not quite like the Satmars, but still). As a non-practicing ethnic Jew, those people make me very uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteMy experience was actually a nice way to kill two birds with one stone, as it were. My wife is something of an on-again/off-again Catholic (pretty intense about it in college, less so since then), but has been going to weekly Mass in recent months. She'd been hocking me to go with her for awhile. My upbringing was emphatically non-religious and, if anything, vaguely Jewish, but only in the most secular sense. My wife thinks she can convert me; she can't, but I figured it would be a nice thing to show some solidarity and go with her.
ReplyDeleteThis wasn't a completely alien experience. I had attended Mass a few times before. It was, however, something that I was pretty resistant to, especially after having attended the funeral Mass for a close friend who died in 2002. He had been baptized on his deathbed, primarily to please a family member; I am quite certain he was not a believer. But the priest got up at his funeral and told us all how great it was that he died because now he got to be with God. That's all completely in keeping with Catholic theology and completely at odds with how my friend lived his life and what he believed. I felt like it was a grave insult to all of us who loved him in his life. Suffice to say, I came in with something of a chip on my shoulder toward the Roman Catholic church.
The experience was actually not that bad. I felt a little out of place, knowing that everybody else was there thinking things that I just can't make myself accept as true. But there were some really touching moments, like when the whole congregation stood together to pray for the ill relative of a member. The nicest thing is that we sat behind a young family (mother, father, daughter about three years old) and the little girl clearly didn't really understand what was going on, but realized that it was something big and important to her parents. She kept going back and forth between them, getting hugs and attention. It was really quite affecting.
This raises the question of whether my future kids will be brought up Catholic. To be honest, I just don't know, although I know my wife wants them to be. The fact of the matter is that I just don't think that the doctrine of the Church is true and I felt pretty awkward sitting there and (sort of) participating in something which I didn't really feel. At the same time, I appreciate the sense of community that was evident two weekends ago. At the very least, I feel somewhat less angry with the church than my previous experiences had led me to feel.
The implications for education are that this did give me a real insight into just how meaningful the sense of fellowship can be to people who worship together. Most of my engagement with religion has been very much intellectualized and on the level of doctrine. This experience opened up another window into the religious life for me. I didn't get the feeling that most people were there because they hold the doctrine of salvation through sacramental works to be true. Rather, it is a family and community experience. That, to me, is much more intelligible and it humanizes the religious experience in a way that it hadn't necessarily been before.
Hi Everyone ... I chose to copy in my first paragraph of my second assignment essay. I have to say I had an awesome experience at the event I attended and was glad that I could both complete this assignment and support a wonderful cause!
ReplyDeleteThe event I choose to attend was Drag Bing hosted by the Raleigh-Durham PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter. The event was hosted this past Friday night, February 26th 2010 at the Raleigh Convention Center. The goal of this event was to raise money for the PFLAG Aids Foundation as well as raise awareness to a prevalent issue within this community. I choose this event because I wanted to take part in something that supported the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender People) community. As the sister of a gay brother I have done little to actively support my brother other than showing my verbal support for his homosexuality. I have learned over the past several months that there is a difference between voicing support and actively showing support. I have not figured out exactly how I can continue to be an active support participant for my brother but my hope is to continue to immerse myself in activities that support a community in which I know he believes in. I have joined the local PFLAG chapter and will continue to look for opportunities in the future in which I can both aid in awareness by participating and volunteering at various functions as well as continue the process of improving and expanding on my own personal awareness.
Candice - I enjoyed reading your post. I commend you for stepping outside of your comfort zone and attending a different religious service. I don't know what it is about religion but I find something slightly intimidating about going to a service that is unknown. I was raised Orthodox Christian and was married in the Orthodox Church. My husband was raised Catholic and we have been attending Catholic masses lately in an attempt of finding a Church we would feel comfortable in raising a future family in. The Catholic Church is extremely closely related to Orthodoxy so it is not too far from what I would say are my roots, but I was still a little nervous when I went to my first mass ... thinking that someone would somehow know I was not Catholic ... so nice job going to a service that was not your own.
ReplyDeleteIt really is just easier to copy-paste...here's the first 2 paragraphs of my paper:
ReplyDeleteOf all the different cultures majorly represented in the United States, the one culture I understand the least about is the Middle Eastern culture. I'm not sure if this is because the culture is more reserved, or if I am less familiar because I haven't had the chance to get to know any individual of that background very well. Whatever the reason may be, I wanted to explore the culture further. At first, I was going to attend a Friday prayer service at the Islamic Association of Raleigh. Honestly, I chickened out. The more I thought about it, the more I realized there I was going to face too much other-ing in that experience than I was ready for. Culturally, I'm not Middle Eastern; religiously, I'm not Islamic; and I would be treated very differently as a woman because of their culture. I would have had an othering experience as a white person, Christian, and a woman, which was a bit much for me. Therefore, I did something a little less intimidating and went to the Almadina Supermarket, a Middle-Eastern grocery store off of Western Blvd. During this experience, I could understand their culture a little more by visiting their store, seeing the types of foods they like to eat, and communicating with store employees who primarily speak Arabic and have a very different background than my own.
Before going to the Almadina Supermarket, I looked up a few simply phrases in Arabic. Salam means hi; Ana jayed means I'm doing well; shokran means thank you; na'an means yes; la means no; and ma'a salama means good bye. Unfortunately, I used none of this. The store workers stopped speaking Arabic when communicating with me, and spoke to me using English instead. Inside the store, the employees didn't interact with me unless necessary, which was only when I was buying some pita bread at the end of the situation. It was interesting to see some different foods sold there, many of which I have no idea what they were because 3/4 of the store's items were only labeled in Arabic. In addition, some of the other items didn't have prices on them, unless they were written somewhere I wasn't used to looking or in a manner I wasn't used to seeing. The store had many more spices than most grocery stores, only unleavened bread (pita breads and such), every item was Kosher, and their cookies were made of unleavened bread. The grocery did not have any ready-made meals, which shows an expectation that most people in their culture cook by recipes and such instead of by instructions on a package. Overall, it was a nice experience and I ended up with some delicious pita bread.
I spoke a little in class about my experience visiting the A.M.E. church in Method. Here's a snippet from my paper:
ReplyDelete"Some of my favorite excerpts from the sermon were the saying “anything free… costs too much” and references to James Brown and his song “I Don't Want Nobody To Give Me Nothing (Open Up the Door, I'll Get It Myself)”. Rev. Simpson spoke about how he did not want anyone to unlock the door, to open the door, to do anything with the door for him – if he wanted to go through the door he would break down the door himself. This brought me back to our class discussion of the relationship between an ally and the targeted community. In this case the ally would be behind or beside (possibly even what my friend Josh would call beside-behind) allowing the targeted population to fight their own battles."
I enjoyed looking up the song, lyrics and listening to it on youtube while writing my paper.
Thank you, Leethaniel for being brave and sharing so much of yourself with us. I think it's exciting and a bit scary how sharing where we feel like the "other" reveals so much about ourselves and our positionalities. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me and raising my awareness of so many things.
Kate - My roommate for a couple years was originally from Saudi Arabia, & they have a LOT of good food! When I visited her family's house in Charlotte I was stuffed all weekend. Her mother spoke very little English and when offering me seconds said "You put, or I put?" which makes it very hard to politely turn down food. =p No thanks wasn't one of the options. I often catch the Varsity bus at the bus stop near the Islamic Center, but I think I would be too intimidated to attend a prayer service myself. You (or anyone else in the class) might consider going to an MSA meeting on campus however if you're really interested - MSA stands for Muslim Students Association. Thinking back, they sure fed me well at the meeting I attended as well - iftar, or the meal to break the fast after sundown during Ramadan.
ReplyDeleteRachel - That is awesome! Maybe I'll try MSA sometime.
ReplyDeleteMichael - That's a really neat look at it. I think a lot of people do look at religious philosophically as opposed to socially or culturally. Have you tried other denominations of Christianity or other religions before?
Rachel someday I hope to find the fortitude to attend an AME church. I KNOW they NEVER fall asleep in church. When African American families show up at my church, I want to scream," LEAVE WHILE YOU CAN! THERE IS NO DANCING OR SINGING ONLY HYMNING AND SLEEPING."
ReplyDeleteFor my OTHER experience I did buy tortillas at a local Mexican market in Apex. It was pleasant and delicious, but unremarkable in any way in terms of making me feel somehow excluded. To reflect on such an experience I wrote about my experience working for a Japanese company. The experience was extreme in many ways. I was the first American employee of a very large Japanese firm. I was a woman, young, and American. My desk was closest to the door. In Japanese culture no move or nuance is accidental. Everything has a purpose. Closest to the door makes you the least important person in the building. The building, all 36 floors was filled with nothing but Japanese companies. I was the only American working among thousands of people. The only person they relegated less respect to was the old woman who sold bento lunches door to door every afternoon. It was frustrating, but it was also a long time ago.
So fun to read all your experiences! Josh, I'm so glad you went to a gay bar because I wanted to read someone's reflection on this... it was my original intention to go to one with a gay friend, but due to scheduling conflicts (I was in the middle of a conference and couldn't get away in time), I had to readjust my assignment...
ReplyDeleteSo I went to a prayer service at a synagogue. I have a strong Christian background, as I've stated before, and so I wanted to do something that involved people who had different ideals than myself. I came to find that this experience was WAY more challenging than I anticipated! So the prayer service was on a Wednesday night. I went to the Beth Meyer Synagogue off of Six Forks Rd. I went to the Wednesday evening Minyan because of being away during weekends. So I walk in, and there are only about 15 or 20 people at this prayer service. At first, there were 0 women sitting in there that I saw, men were wearing yamakas and jeans, and this was all before it started!
Hebrew--don't know it. Hebrew--READ BACKWARDS. Hebrew--Did I mention I don't know it?!?! Couple other baffling things, Michael help me out and tell me what this is... people randomly got up at one point and dropped coins I think into what I would say was a communion class, but I'm pretty sure that's not what it was... fill me in. I was lost.
It's amazing how in a 15-20 minute prayer service, you can develop a knot in your stomach from awkwardness. I really thought I was a strong cookie. Not so much when standing completely alone for really the first time ever. Even in a foreign country, even in a mosque, I was with comrades. Here, I really was alone, really felt isolated, and wanted to run like the wind!!! I was pretty much just given weird looks and ignored, but there were 2 people (one before who showed me where to go and one after who asked if I was new) who actually seemed welcoming. Pretty sure my looks were a little giveaway that I wasn't Jewish. They were all probably pretty suspicious of my intentions for being there as well since I couldn't really participate at all. I had no idea if I was doing anything "illegal" or at first if women were even supposed to be there! AWKWARD.
As bad as it was on the surface, though, I learned SO much from this experience and have so much empathy for my ESL students now and for kids that don't get math language. I know now what it feels like to not only be lost in translation, but to be ALONE, lost in translation. May my kids always feel welcome in my classroom!!!
Morgan: I wish I knew, but the ins and outs of Jewish worship are beyond me. And it totally depends what sort of a bunch they were. The Reform and the Orthodox are as different from each other as Pentecostal Christians are from, say, Egyptian Coptic Christians (I actually attended a Coptic wedding last year and it was awesome - the bride and groom were given crowns to wear during the ceremony!), so God only knows what they were up to with the coins.
ReplyDeleteI am loving this blog. Some of the comments are so meaningful... and others are simply hilarious! The line of the semester: "Oh my goodness I sound like my father." Such an intelligent and creative group.
ReplyDeleteMy “othering” experience was and continues to be backwards from what one would expect. I am at home in other communities, be they a different faith, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. But, throw me into a crowd with the Cleavers from next door and my nerves become jelly. I don’t want to get into specifics, but needless to say I am constantly bombarded with situations that I personally struggle with. I believe that I seek out communities that are less judgmental and more honest than what I experience as the often biting and competitive mainstream. I am most at home sitting behind a computer screen chatting through the internet to a stranger with common interests. I think isolating myself has been cowardly and done more damage than just manning up and learning how to socialize: competition, mistakes and all. I just need to take the plunge and like a cold shower; I will eventually become acclimated to it.
ReplyDeleteWow, this has been an enlightening read. My parents are visiting from New England this weekend and one thing that keeps coming up is the heterogeneity down here that just doesn't exist in the same way in New England. There is something of a paradox that has been difficult for me to work through. Reading this blog is just pointing out even more communities that (co)exist that I hadn't really thought about except in abstract ways.
ReplyDeleteFor my othering experience, I went back to a Latin market I had been to earlier in the year and had been totally embarrassed by my behavior. The store was packed and my fiance (who speaks Spanish fairly comfortably) and I were the only non-Hispanic folks there. The kids in the bakery section of the store stared at us -- not in a bad way, but they were certainly interested in us. I wanted to talk to them (yes, I am that woman in the store that talks to small children) but had no idea whether I should speak English or Spanish -- but then, I don't speak Spanish AT ALL so that's not really an option. Okay, this is super embarrassing, but I realized at one point that I was hiding behind Henry, lest anyone speak to me.
So, I was pleased to have the opportunity to redeem myself and go back to La Superior, by myself, and force myself to relax. There were a couple of things that surprised me when I went back. Most importantly, what made me an other wasn't limited to my not speaking the language, it was everything about me; language, skin color, culture. I wouldn't have felt un-otherized if everything was in English because there were lots of items in the store I was unfamiliar with. Even the things I recognized I did not necessarily know how to cook. (What do you do with tripe? Is there a difference between the three kinds? Beef cheeks? Bueller?) This isn't to say that it was completely unfamiliar, but it was certainly interesting to see what was familiar and what was not and my reactions to seeing things I knew well. I'd certainly do this again.
Katherine - let me know if you'd like to go w/ me to the AME church sometime. It was definitely different but I found myself wanting to attend maybe once in a while and would love to go back. I also found myself wondering what in the world my family especially my dad would think if I decided to become a member there instead of the Lutheran church I attend now.
ReplyDeleteA bit off topic, but my dad sent me a link to this article and I wanted to share. It's called Building a Better Teacher
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/magazine/07Teachers-t.html?pagewanted=1&adxnnlx=1267910798-7nTgKDESNlYyME6W%20EDzdA
Erin - Tripe, you put it in stew, maybe with some sort of starchy root vegetable, like yucca or malanga (or even potato).
ReplyDeleteBeef cheeks, I'm not sure.
Erin--Proud of you for going back to an embarassing place. Reminds me of when I threw up in a Chilli's as a kid, and wouldn't let my parents take us there again for over a year because I was embarassed. How silly...my love for Chilli's should have conquered, just as your love for Latin flavor should have conquered, but isn't that just human nature to worry over the petty crap?
ReplyDeleteRachel--super interesting article. I had to read a book for my methods class called "The First Day of School." If any of you don't read it in your methods block, then you really really need to... at first you'll be like, well duh, but it has a lot of good tips on classroom management and how to teach, no matter what your content or age level!
Michael-The synagogue I went to is affiliated with the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, which makes a whole lot of sense based on the service... men wore yamakas and lots and lots of Hebrew was read! Here's the website for anyone who's interested to read the history... apparently the church as been around in Raleigh since the 1800s. http://bethmeyer.raleigh.nc.us/index.php?section=1
Also, I think it's really interesting that you went to a Catholic service because I was telling someone that the Jewish service reminded me of a Catholic one in many ways, but I know (and definitely from reading your post) that they are really different. Since there are so many sects of Judaism, it really got me thinking about Jesus being a Jew and what Judaism looked like in his day with Pharisees and Saduccees... would it have looked a lot like what I saw or not so much? What are you most familiar with and what's it like?
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ReplyDeleteMichael, I did go to Chabad... I really did not feel that intimidated or judged by the people...while i did feel uncomfortable because it was outside of my religion, maybe it was because I am not an ethnic Jew so was not to have expected to know/practice certain things within the orthodox Judaism? I am not really sure...why is it you think you are uncomfortable?
ReplyDeleteRachel thank you so much for your comment. I commend you as well and definitely understand where you are coming from and thinking of different religious ceremonies as intimidating...i mean religion is a pretty core thing for people, including me.
Morgan, I feel you on the who Hebrew is read backwards stuff and that it was really weird to sort of experience that alone, however, when I went, I did not feel as if I was necessarily alone. Maybe it is because of our difference in upbringing? positionality perhaps?
For this assignment I chose to head over to Triangle Indian Market off of Chatham street in Cary. It is in a strip mall of sorts that contains a variety of international restaurants and shops. I chose the location partially out of curiousity following a conversation with my boss, and partially to find out what it is like to be "the other" based on the color of my skin.
ReplyDeleteI found the building up to me going into the store to be more uncomfortable than my experience actually being inside the market. When I was circling the parking lot trying to find the store I began to ask myself questions as to how this was all going to play out. I had heard that the people who shop here are mostly Indian, so I was worried about how they would react to a white guy jotting things down on a notepad, who might not even buy anything.
Of course I was a little uncomfortable being the only white guy in the shop, but I never really felt like anyone was judging me or suspicious of me. It wasn't as "othering" as I had imagined. My experience was also made easier by the fact that most of the products in the store are labeled in both Indian and English. The owners here are smart business people who are clearly trying to appeal to other customers who aren't Indian. Given their reactions to my presence (almost no reaction) I am certain that they get many white customers.
I was made more uncomfortable by the extremely narrow aisles of the store. Some people had grocery carts, and when they would walk by you had to suck your gut in for them to fit! I wound up buying some spices and a huge bag of tea while I was there, and I plan to go back. Many items are less expensive than what you find at say, Harris Teeter.
Morgan - Conservative Judaism is kind of middle-of-the road (they and the Modern Orthodox). I think most of my friends growing up were Reform, which is pretty laid back. I personally was raised as a Sleepinitarian. We didn't go to any kind of services, but watched Saved By The Bell on Saturday mornings.
ReplyDeleteThe Lubavitch Hasidim are about the only Jewish sect I know who go out and proselytize. They to try to convert more secular Jews to a rather extreme version of worship. I am very uncomfortable with beeing proselytized (see also, the Jews for Jesus who would hock folks on my college campus and the West African fellow who used to harangue me and the rest of my subway car every Sunday on my way to work).
For my "other" experience, I attended a yoga/pilates class in which I was the only male. The class was led by a female, and was comprised of about 15 people all together. I chose this experience because I wanted to know what it felt like to be the only member of my gender in an environment led and dominated by the opposite gender. In special education classrooms, particularly autism classes, the makeup is predominantly male. I thought that this experience would help me begin to gain some sort of perspective of what the only girl in an AU class filled with boys was going through.
ReplyDeleteAnd it did help. I noticed that I acted differently in the classroom filled with women. I didn’t talk at all, left right after class, and kept my head down most of the time. I started to think how this situation would negatively affect my success in the class, and how the lone girl in a special ed class would face similar challenges. It is very hard to excel in an environment in which you are uncomfortable. Not only did I have to worry about all these crazy stretches we were doing, I also had to worry about what the people around me were thinking. Do they think I’m here to hit on girls in tight clothes? Do they look down on me because I can’t come anywhere near reaching my toes on most stretches? Am I ruining the environment for these women simply by being here? I wrote in my paper that I had wished the instructor, the person of great influence in the class, had done something as simple as saying “hello” or “welcome to the class”. It would have made a huge difference in my comfort and self esteem levels, just knowing that someone was happy I was there. It also would have calmed my worries that I was intruding.
Moving on from this experience, I know to make a special effort towards the only girl in future teaching and coaching situations. Also, I think it would be hugely beneficial if there was another female (teacher’s assistant maybe) in the mostly boys, one girl classroom situation. I know it would have made a positive difference for me in the yoga class if just one other male was there.
Leethaniel Brumfield said....
ReplyDeleteHey everyone,
I just got in from church this afternoon and wanted to check the blog again to see what was new. It sounds like some of you all had some interesting foods (i.e., beef cheeks)! (smile)
Kate Oliver – Were you surprised by the Arabic employee’s English at the Almadina Supermarket?
John Jackson – Funny comment about the skinny aisles at the Triangle Indian Market!
I've really enjoyed reading about everyone's experiences. We have some brave people in this class! After reading some of your posts I've had to ask myself 'Could I have done that?' I know there are certain situations that are more difficult for different people, but I am very impressed by the willingness to step out of comfort zones.
ReplyDeleteFor my experience I went to a Native American blessing ceremony. The event was held at NC Central University's School of Law by the Native American Law Student Assoc. (NALSA). When I first arrived I felt extremely uncomfortable and out of place, but once several people began talking to me I relaxed and it turned out to be an awesome experience. They were so excited to have me there, and it was really moving to be able to witness a glimpse into their culture. I'll
share some of the concluding thoughts from my paper:
I also wanted to examine my initial reaction of feeling like a poser. I think those feelings were tied to my guilt as a white woman. It all goes back to white privilege. I can easily say that I, personally, was not responsible for the Native Americans plight, but what does that even mean? As I listened to the council member’s speech I couldn’t help but think about how his race alone has created obstacles for him that I haven’t even had to think about as a white person. Maybe guilt is not the appropriate emotion, but I definitely felt it as I listened to the Native American struggle. However, as I left the ceremony I was reminded of the people there and how excited they were by my presence and interest in learning more about their culture. It made me realize that they didn’t want my guilt, that my guilt is useless to them. Just my acknowledgement of them as a people and what they have been through, along with my desire to learn more was all they wanted from me. Something so very simple, and yet so hard to find among many. It made me wonder why I didn’t do this sooner. Why did I wait for a school assignment to force me to take initiative? And how could I blame the rest of my race for not taking an interest when I didn’t until my grade depended on it?
I went to a gay bar on a slow Wednesday night. Leading up to it, I was very nervous about it. I had all these insights and realizations that I was looking forward to writing about. I should have taken notes or started writing sooner because once I went to the bar and got home to write up the experience, I didn't have much to share.
ReplyDeleteThe main insight I got revolved around my introversion. I call myself an introvert, but I don't know if that's the right word. It's not that I'm naturally inclined to enjoy alone time. I love social situations and large groups, but I often feel so nervous, so awkward, and so uncomfortable leading up to and during the initial phases of those situations that it's easier to avoid them altogether.
Anyway, I was on the smoking patio at the bar, and this guy started chatting with me. He wasn't overly warm, but he was obviously kind. I noted later that he made up for my nerves by interjecting affirming comments into the conversation and asking questions to move the dialogue along naturally. I can do this, too! I have a great capacity for empathy (sometimes to the point that I don't even realize it). I can be the most awesome, affirming conversationalist ever!!!
But when I'm nervous or uncomfortable or in a mood (these three can account for half my day), it's like I totally forget to acknowledge and welcome other people. I get caught up inside myself and what I'm thinking and feeling. I believe the social and emotional aspects of the educational setting are critical to learning. Students need to feel acknowledged, engaged, embraced, and welcomed. I guess I'm realizing that that doesn't always come naturally to me, and I'm going to have to consciously interact with students with those social and emotional goals in mind.
Leethaniel - Yes, I was really impressed by the Arabic woman's English! She was pretty awesome and spoke very fluently and was very easy to understand.
ReplyDeleteJack - I think you're pretty awesome to go to a yoga class. I've done yoga a bunch, and seriously the only guys that ever come are the ones whose girlfriends make them come. The guys always do feel a bit out of place. You guys are generally way less flexible, but also much better with balance. It's interesting how whenever a girl is leading yoga, she tends to do lots of stretches and flexible things, and when a guy leads yoga he tends to do more muscle-building things and balance things. Anyways, if you ever want to go again to yoga, maybe I can help you feel less uncomfortable or bring my fiance along...
The “othering” experience I chose was to go to a Mexican supermarket that is about a mile away from my apartment, called International Foods, Su Tienda Hispana. I know some Spanish, as I was a Spanish minor in college, and went to Spain my junior year. Since it’s been a few years since I have had the opportunity to speak it, I feel like I have lost some of my ability and fluidity of thought in Spanish. I chose this store to go to because I wanted to use Spanish again, and because I was interested in how I would be accepted in a place so close to my home.
ReplyDeleteThe produce section! I have never seen some of those fruits and vegetables before! Spain never had fuzzy looking fruit like that. There were so many different chili peppers and hot peppers too. I got some bananas while I was there, since we were out, and they looked riper than the ones you would get at like Wal-Mart, which I like. I walked down all the food aisles, and it was kind of surprising the first aisle I walked down. I just kind of stood there for a second stunned, because there was so much food on the aisles! In “white” grocery stores, aisles have space on them; what I mean is there is space above and below items on the shelves, not very efficient if you think about it. That’s not the case in this grocery store. Every inch of space on each shelf was used. It was so efficient. And neat! Everything was neat and clean and symmetric. It was kind of stunning when I first saw it.
There was a really good variety of things too. Stuff I have never heard of or seen, but that looked good, like Peruvian olives, and tons of spices. Some of it was a little strange to me, like whole dried shrimp as a spice. I bought two “medio litros” of coke in glass bottles, which I have never seen, but I love coke in glass bottles so I was excited. The last thing I got there was a Guatemalan beer I had never heard of to split with my roommate, but I am proud to say I had heard of all the other Mexican beers, as I love Mexican food.
I can see now that it would be uncomfortable for someone who is Hispanic to walk into a very "white" grocery store. I would be nervous too, and I was having to go out of my element. I can also see that the store means more to them than just a place to buy groceries. It is a place to see other people who are like you, to buy the things you like and need where you know you will be accepted and where you know how to act. It is a place where people speak your language, which I know now, is very important for many cultures. I know white people take it for granted that almost everywhere in the U.S. is a place where we know we will be accepted and where we know we can find people who speak our language and use the same things we do.
Overall, I had a good time at the supermarket. I left the store with a smile on my face because everyone had been nice and I realized I had had nothing to be nervous about. I found some really cool things at the store, some of which I will be going back for. I am also going to bring my roommate to a TaquerÃa down the strip from the supermarket that had a lot of people in front of it, to give it a try. I just really liked this assignment. I don’t know how this assignment would have gone if I had chosen a place that was more of a social place for Hispanics, rather than a commercial place, though. I might have to try that someday.
For this assignment, I attended a small Indian festival. It was located on a street in Downtown Charlotte. I was very hesitant at first just because i was nervous to feel like an "other." Everyone was dressed in their traditional Indian dress, and were speaking in the Hindi language. I was very surprised to find that everyone was so welcoming. No one made me feel uncomfortable at all. I realize that my own biases and my own thoughts were the only thing that made me hesitant at first. This festival opened me to a culture which I had previously not spent that much time learning about. I really enjoyed experiencing the traditions and learning about this culture. The food , dance, dress, and attitudes of the people made this a great learning experience for me. I loved how passionate the people were about their culture and their traditions. This "other" experience is really going to help me in my teaching and only leads me to further learning. I am excited to really learn more in depth about other cultures so i can connect with my students. Overall, I really enjoyed everything about this experience and Im very glad we were challenged to step out of our comfort zone.
ReplyDeleteJack, I agree that you going to yoga was an amazing idea! That's exactly how I feel going into a weight room, so I'm totally there...
ReplyDeleteRachel... Would love to go to the AME church with you next time. I also think that although you might perplex your father, I know his Lutheran theology strives for one holy, catholi,and apostolic church. So I think he would... get over it : ).
ReplyDeleteI agree that Jack showed some major stones doing yoga. Not only was he doing the other thing, but he was doing it in a super public way, one that potentially exposed him to ridicule for being incompetent at the poses. I was able to just sort of blend in. The otherness was all in my head.
ReplyDeleteSalsa dancing at the Red Room in Raleigh. Andele!
ReplyDeleteSpanish is a beautiful and passionate language that effectively reflects the culture of the peoples who speak its many dialects. For this reason, I chose to master the language and explore the culture - to a point. Hispanic men have always made me uncomfortable because of the way the men I have encountered expressed their appreciation of a beautiful woman. In estadounidense culture (English doesn't have a word for "people from the United States" that doesn't exclude the majority of residents of the American continents), it is disrespectful to stare or hiss at a woman. I find it intimidating and physically threatening and usually responded negatively with Spanish vocabulary that doesn't support building a positive relationship with the person. Being conscious of social justice and the importance of accepting people from all cultural backgrounds, not just the ones in line with my way of thinking, I sought to inform myself and immerse myself as much as I felt comfortable in Hispanic culture. I went to Hispanic clubs on campus and studied abroad in Spain. My experience with the Spanish men I met in Spain was so negative I changed my major. More than one friend was sexually assaulted and I hadn't had the opportunity to balance those experiences with meeting positive people because our program rolled 60 deep. I still loved speaking the language so I kept it as a minor and put the experience aside.
[Last year I visited a friend in Mexico and had a blast. I met lots of different people who completely changed my response to being "appreciated." Besides, many of the comments are quite entertaining. I'll share some of them with you if you'd like]
This week I decided to test this old bias and attend a salsa-dancing class in Raleigh. I should mention at this point that I generally have the coordination of a giraffe on roller-skates. I have rhythm but it gets lots somewhere between my hips and my feet. This made for a very entertaining lesson. I ended up running into someone who lived in my dorm at UNC Asheville freshman year. I danced with him during the lesson and again afterwards. My last dance was with a Mexican man who (bless him) was very patient and a very good salsa tutor. I spoke to him exclusively in Spanish then the atmosphere changed into more of a club scene and I left.
I was really rather surprised by exactly what made me uncomfortable about this experience. I am usually social and converse easily with people I don’t know. I am the ambassador for many of the international students at UNC and have organized several events, mostly at my house, so I am comfortable with and enjoy meeting many different people. In this situation, I was really nervous and self-conscious. I hardly spoke, but did dance when asked. When Jorge said, "No te pongas nerviosa," I blamed my nervousness on dancing poorly but I realized I was missing the safety of Chapel Hill. In Chapel Hill, as a guide to my friends and one of the older people out, I am in a dominant position. I can approach and talk to whom I please because I am familiar with so many people who live here. Because the bar-scene is restricted to one very long street, you get to know many of the regulars and the bartenders. We become like family. In this experience, being in a strange city that I have never been out in before, dancing, and being a minority in a culture that is male-centered, it is no doubt I felt uncomfortable.
ReplyDeleteI had always had a passion for fighting the effects of poverty and racism. However, my reaction to this situation clearly demonstrates an acute awareness of a gender role. I did not ask anyone to dance but accepted offers from two people. I didn't speak to anyone without being spoken to or approached first. And even though Jorge was a lovely, patient salsa partner, I didn't speak to him outside of laughing when he directed me to a new move and messing up.
To further address the Spanish bias I apparently still hold, I'm trying to study abroad in Guatemala this summer. Guatemala has a long history of classism and sexism. I'm super excited about working in a school there.
I also plan to do the Peace Corps in Latin America when I graduate.
Really, the only thing you can do it meet people. And talk and talk and talk. We're really not all that different inside.
JACK- I loved the post. I LOOVE my yoga class at the Chapel Hill - Carrboro YMCA. It's led by a guy who is gi-normous and can bend like a pretzel. As a girl, I am a minority in the class. It's filled with men of all ages.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad about the flexibility thing. We were doing some crazy stretch and the instructor tried to help me do it right and I ended up almost falling over. I definitely don't bend those ways! Yoga is soo good for you, or anyone who does athletics for that matter. I hope you try again!
Dawn - Is that the class on Wednesday nights? My wife sometimes turns up for that.
ReplyDeleteJohn and Bridget both bring up good points that I had a hard time expressing in my paper; my anxiety about the experience was in many ways the most othering part of the experience. This anxiety, for me, stemmed from so many places. Jack summarized many of my anxiety producing questions at the end of his post, but most revolved around judgment. Would I be judged for intruding? Would I reinforce negative stereotypes they might have of "people like me"? Would I be unwelcome?
ReplyDeleteI wonder how much of this comes from being in a position of privilege and rarely having to be an other, or from typically experiencing othering in specific contexts. There are so many elements of power in all of these situations. Jack brought up his wish that the teacher had used her power to include him. I have struggled with this all semester. Sometimes things happen in class and I think "If this happened in my classroom I would..." and I am equally empowered (because I know what I would do in that context, with power) and disenfranchised because when I am in a context with significantly less power, like being a student in this class, I don't know how to respond or react appropriately. One of the things I am taking away from this experience and from reading y'all's comments, is the knowledge that simple things -- smiling at people, greeting and talking to people, (as trite as it sounds) trying things, and staying positive (without ignoring negative aspects) -- is what is going to move me forward. Trying to remember this, I hope, is going to help me avoid the anxiety pitfall I feel like Ally described so well -- not trying something uncomfortable until it becomes necessary.
Thanks to everyone who has shared so openly!
Hi all,
ReplyDeleteWell, I decided to visit a religious center, since I'm not at all religious and often feel out of place in religious places. Furthemore, religion has played a destructive role in my family in the past, so while I respect people's beliefs, it's just not part of my own life. I decided to go one better and visit a Hindu Temple, since I'd never been to one before, and figured I stood a good chance of being an "other" there as well.
As I described in my paper, it was somewhat anticlimactic in the end, because the esperience left me ulytimately feeling exactly as I'd felt in Jewish or Christian places of worship - in a state of respectful awe at the system of beliefs, but feeling like a perrenial outsider. I had a long conversation with a Hindu priest, who very generously took me around the temple, and we discussed Hinduism, religion in general, philosophy, Indian culture, caste and various other subjects. It was a wonderful conversation, and I really enjoyed learning more about Hinduism. Beyond that, as I said before, it was ultimately what I expected - a visit to a place where I could be a welcome guest, but not part of the family. I was definitely an "other," and I'm fine with being in that position. And that position of "other" is one that school children will undoubtedly experience in one way or the other, so I can certainly see the value in this "othering" exercise for prospective teachers.